My officemates are so engrossed with this Best Seller author PAULO COELHO and had been sharing with me excerpts from the book. One of which I liked the most was SELF-DECEPTION from his book “Like the Flowing River… “

I thought it was worthwhile and would also like to share the said excerpt with you…

Self-deception

_Paulo Coelho_

It is part of human nature always to judge others very severely and, when the wind turns against us, always to find an excuse for our own misdeeds, or to blame someone else for our mistakes. The story that follows illustrates what I mean.

A messenger was sent on an urgent mission to a distant city. He saddled up his horse and set off at a gallop. After passing several inns where animals like him were normally fed, the horse thought: “We’re not stopping to eat at any stables, which means that I’m being treated, not like a horse, but like a human being. Like all other men, I will eat in the next big city we reach.”

But the big cities all passed by, one after the other, and his rider continued on his way. The horse began to think: “Perhaps I haven’t changed into a human being after all, but into an angel, because angels have no need to eat.”

Finally, they reached their destination and the animal was led to the stable, where he greedily devoured the hay he found there.

“Why believe that things have changed simply because they do not happen quite as expected?” he said to himself. “I’m not a man or an angel. I’m simply a hungry horse.”

"Bawal dumura sa sahig," yan ang sabi ng puting karatula sa tindahan ni tatay. Napaisip tuloy ako, Bakit nga kaya parang ang selan ng akto ng pagdura?

May mga taong kung saan saan na lang dumudura, mayron din namang sa tissue lang, yung tipong minsan, hindi pa kinakaya ng tissue hanggang sa paglaon, sa kamay din ang uwi ng dura.

Merong tahimik, meron ding maingay.

Ang pagdura ay iba sa pagluwa, pero di nagkakaiba sa layon ang dalawang ito: ang maglabas sa pamamagitan ng bibig, ng isang bagay na hindi nagugustuhan o hindi nakabubuti sa katawan.

Ang galing din nga naman ng sistema ng katawan ng tao, sa maikling panahon, nakapamimili agad ng kung alin ang dapat panatilihin sa loob at ang dapat ilabas.

Pero ang tinukoy ko ay ang sistema ng katawan ng tao, hindi yung PAGKATAO.

Ibang kaso na yun.
Kakaiba.
Mahirap.
Di tulad ng sa simpleng pagdura.
Matagal: gumugugol ng oras, araw, linggo, minsan taon pa! (*mura*)

May mga bagay na sadyang mahirap tanggalin sa pagkatao mo. At mga tao na sadyang mahirap alisin sa sistema ng buhay mo.

Pero bakit nga ba madali lang sa kaso ng sistema ng katawan? Bakit hindi komplikado ang pagdura?

Ang pagbitaw sa isang bagay na naging parte na ng sistema ng buhay mo, komplikado.
Ang bitawan ang isang tao na parte na ng sistema ng buhay mo, mahirap.

SIMPLE.

ANG SAGOT: MALI ang tanong ko. MALI ang iniisip ko at ang paniniwala ko.

Nagkamali ako.

Walang pinagkaiba ang pagdura sa pagbitaw sa isang tao o bagay.
Mabilis ang proseso ng pagdura dahil nagpapadala agad ang dila o salivary glands (o kung ano man yun) ng signal sa utak para gawin mo ang akto ng pagdura o ang paglabas ng kung anumang hindi makabubuti sa katawan mo.

Kung tutuusin, ang iniisip kong mahirap gawin, madali lang din pala tulad ng pagdura.
Ang kailangan ko lang: mag-isip.

Hayaan ang utak na magdikta sa kung alin ang nakabubuti sa pagkatao.
Hayaan ang utak na magdikta sa kung alin at sino ang dapat panatilihin o bitawan sa sistema ng buhay ko.
Buhay kung saan nag-eexist ang preys, predators at parasites.
Parasites na mapagsamantala.
Parasites na wala ng inisip kundi ang sarili nila.
Parasites na mahilig kumapit dahil napakikinabangan ka nila.

Eh ikaw? Kung iisipin mo na ang parasite na yan ay may naitutulong sayo... Ano yun?

At kung sasabihin mong ang parasite na yan ay parte na ng sistema ng buhay mo at mahirap nang bitawan... Eh, gaga kang tulad ko.

Dahil mali rin ang takbo ng utak mo.
Dahil hindi na nakabubuti sa sistema ng buhay mo.
Dahil unti unti nang sinisira ang pagkatao mo.

Parasites ain't healthy and definitely not good either.

Maingay ata ang paraan ng pagdura ko ngayon.

'PWE.'

Nga pala, yung pinulot mo, yan yung idinura ko. ü

My relationships are empty.

My progress impeded.

I’m losing my religion

And I am reacting with an intense and zealous activity…

…designed to achieve my aims AT ALL COSTS.

Sssssssshhhhut me up. Ü

Whew. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted something here…

I almost have forgotten that I’ve got this account, hehe. The tides are calm now, and I’d now just like to post a shout out for all those whom I have had disputes with because of petty exchange of comments here in multiply: PEACE! And to those who've been and are still, causing me pain beyond the multiply sphere: KEEP IT COMING! Ü

Let me into Ani Difranco's quote: Maybe I don't like my job, maybe I didn't get enough sleep, well nobody likes the job, and nobody got enough sleep. Maybe I just had the worst day of my life, but as I should know, THERE'S NO ESCAPE, THERE'S NO EXCUSE, SO I JUST SUCKED UP AND BEEN NICE.

I’ve been very puzzled for these past weeks, reflecting on what action should I take now when I'm all feeling that I've lost the drive to work for the company I'm with...
My everyday has been like having to take in some medicine which I would just like to hastily expel.

I knew at the very onset that I wasn't empty. I am complete and I just needed someone to let me see brightness through the dark.

I have my inhibitions, still, but if there’s something that I’m aiming for, it would be building a stable emotional attachment… with you.

I am sorry. I am grateful. And I am happy.

I am sorry for all the doubts… the doubts that might have caused you pain.

All’s clear to me now, and I am grateful.

I am happy, simply because... I have you.

I’d love to continue sharing those dreams and goals with you…

And I’d be saying, still, I’d want to keep you ‘til you want me to.

(oops.. also, i'm soo sorry for being cheesy...)

Ipagpalagay mo na lang na isa ko sa mga taong marunong magkontrol ng emosyon.

Hindi humaharap nang may galit at lalong hindi humaharap sa taong galit.

Ang naunang nagalit ang may karapatang magalit: Kapag naunahan na’y kailangang manahimik na muna.

Ipagpalagay mo na lang na isa kong taong marunong mag-isip, hindi magpipilit ng mga ideya sa isang taong galit. Dahil ang taong galit: bingi. Walang pinakikinggan kundi ang sarili.

Lahat ng bagay may kanya kanyang panahon, hindi dapat minamadali hindi dapat ipinipilit.

Importante ang mga tao sa paligid na sumisira sa araw mo, dahil kailangan mo sila para mapagyaman ang pagkatao mo.

Hindi sila mawawala, at nasa sa iyo lamang ang solusyon, kailangan mong matutunang tanggalin ang poot na nararamdaman sa kanila at lahat ng ‘yan mangyayari lamang sa nakalaan nitong panahon – panahon kung kailan ang damdami’y bukas na para tanggapin ang isa.

Higit sa lahat, hindi ko gusto ang konsepto ng pagiging plastik.

Kapag masama ang loob ko masama ang loob ko, wag mo asahang makitungo ako na para bang okay ang lahat. Dahil hindi ko rin gustong tinatrato ako na para bang okay ang lahat, at pilit na itinatago ang mga bahid – ng galit, ng pagkapoot.

Lumalaban ako sa emosyon, dahil hindi ko hahayaang masira ang pagkatao ko ng dahil sa impluwensiya nito.

Madali akong masaktan. Lalo pa ng mga salita. Pero kung hindi mo kilala kung sino ‘ako’ hindi mo ako kakikitaan ng kahit anumang manipestasyon na nasasaktan na nga ako dahil hindi ko rin ugaling magpaaawa.

Palakaibigan? Hindi ako yun. Kahit kailan hindi ko tinuring ang sarili ko na palakaibigan.

Simple lang ang mga paliwanag, hindi ako palakaibigan pero tapat ako sa kaibigan, at hindi naiiwasan ang aking emosyonal na pamumuhunan at dahil sa madali akong masaktan, mas pinipili kong magkaroon ng konti at piling mga kaibigan – yung lamang alam kong matatawag kong TOTOO.

Sensitibo? Siguro nga’y ako yun. Dahil nakikisimpatiya ako sa mga kaibigan kong naaagrabyado, natatapakan.  

Marunong akong rumespeto ng opinyon at damdamin ng iba dahil yun din ang hiling ko sa kanila. Pero sana lahat ay binigbigyang limitasyon. Ang mga salita’y makapangyarihan, hindi dapat inaabuso lalo pa’t nakakasakit na.

Naririnig mo ko hindi dahil sa gusto mo kong marinig, hindi dahil sa intensiyong kong marinig mo ko. Ipagpalagay mo na lamang na napakalakas na ng sigaw nitong mga emosyon at ideyang nakakulong sa loob ko kaya’t hinahabol ang pandinig mo.

Makikipaglaban ako para sa kaibigan ko. Maninindigan ako sa mga emosyong pinanghahawakan ko.

Bigyan mo ko ng kagalingang umunawa.

Hindi ngayon, maaaring bukas o sa makalwa, tiyak na hindi pa ngayon, siguro’y sa takdang panahon.

Lahat ng nabasa mo na at mababasa mo pa sa blog ko ay hindi nakalaan para kanino man.

My heart has been filled with so much rage these past few days. And it is by my own choice to go over through this by myself. And to manage the hate that is within me, I’ve been helping myself by reading books --- this has been so because I deem that when I am reading others’ writings I am, too, are speaking with them. As if I have someone by my side whose granting me the words that I badly need at this certain struggle – a struggle to turn this feeling of hate to love otherwise.

Tonight, I have come across a book entitled A KNOCK AT MIDNIGHT, a compilation of the great sermons of Reverend MLK (Martin Luther King) Jr. I was just so glad that I was able to read a portion, because this has somehow helped me though I have not yet come to the end of my struggle, this must be just the beginning.

Since I have this much rage and hate, the subject that I was lured into was ‘Loving Your Enemies.’ Surprisingly, this sermon seemed to be exactly what my situation calls for. A bible verse was presented: ‘Thou shall love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven."

I share the same reaction that MLK has presumed, I find this command VERY TOUGH.

But since I’m dying to get rid of this feeling within me, I surrender myself to every step it asks me to do. And now I will be speaking to put up with MLK’s words. How should I go about loving my enemies? I HAVE TO ANALYZE MYSELF. This is strange but I should love my enemies by beginning with a look at my self.

Some people will not like me, not because of something I have done to them, but they just won’t like me. I am now aware of that. Some people aren’t going to like the way I walk; some people aren’t going to like the way I talk. Some people aren’t going to like me because I can do my job better than they can do theirs. Some people aren’t going to like me. They’re going to dislike me, not because of something I have done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature. I too, may dislike someone just because of the same reasons.

I looked into these things and I now admit them. I have to begin with myself; there might be something within me that arouses the tragic hate response.

The second thing that I need to do to love my enemy is to discover the element of good in her/him, and that every time that I begin to hate that person and think of hating that person, I have to realize that there is some good there and I have to look at those good points which will over-balance the bad points.

Another way for me to love my enemy is that when opportunity presents itself when I can defeat my enemy, I must not do it. There will come a time when I will have the opportunity to defeat the person who hates me the most, the person who has misused me the most, the person who has gossiped about me the most and the person who has spread false rumors about me the most.

I am not into defeating the person but I am into defeating the system that, that person is into.

And at this very moment, since I’ve known how to do it, I have to build reasons why I have to. I have to because hate will eat me up. I have to because hate for hate will only intensify the existence of hate.

I’ve been tough and I’ve been strong, but I won’t let this immense amount of hate within me destroy my personality, so I am, and I will be, struggling to cut it off.

All’s for being a person of sense and morality.

I hope I can. God bless me.

Muli ko na namang hinahagilap ang mga salita na makapagpapaliwanag ng bagay na tumatakbo sa isipan ko ngayon. Umatras na naman ata ang dila ko kaya’t hinahayaan ko na lang na ang mga salitang ito ang bumigkas ng mga ideya na nakakulong sa isipan.

REPLEKSYON. Di ko ipagkakailang ni minsa’y hindi sumagi sa isipan ko na papasok ako sa isang relasyon na siya ang kapareha --- ang taong hindi ko hinangad na makita sa araw araw dahil mukhang tuwang tuwa naman siyang sinisira ang araw ko --- mga araw na sinanay ko na ang sarili kong mag-isa, nakakulong sa ideya na mahihirapan akong umalis sa sitwasyong kinasasadlakan ko.

NINGAS. Isang panimula na hindi ko inaasahan, tila sakit na hindi na naiwasan. Mula sa klima na pinanggalingan ko, lamig sa pakikisama sa iba at pagharap sa mundo, muli’y may mumunting init na bumuhay sa manhid kong pagkatao.

AGOS. Patuloy ang mga pangyayari, walang tigil, tuloy ang agos, hindi na napigilan; hinayaan, pinabayaan kahit hindi na naiintindihan.

GIYERA. Pagsiklab ng gulo. Pagsugod ng mga emosyong nakalilito. Laban ng mga hindi handang puso.

KALABOSO. Hindi na nakapagtago. Hindi na nakatakbo. Nahuli ang mga emosyon kong pilit ikinakaila at pilit inilalayo.

HATOL. Kinundena. Di nakaligtas sa mga mapanghinalang mga mata at lalo na sa mga matatalas na dila’t maingay na kaluluwa. ‘Tila isang krimen ang nagawa at hinatulan ng mga mapanghusgang mga tao.

HIKAB. Inaantok nako. Hanggang diyan na lang ba ang kaya nyo?

KURAP. Hudyat ng paglaban ko. Isang realisasyon na gumigising sa tulog na ‘ako’ Nagsasabing hindi ako dapat magpaapekto, kung sabagay sa lahat ng pangyayari’y siya lang naman at ako ang natatanging testigo.

KALABIT. Ba’t nga ba hindi mo subukang magtanong? Nang hindi ka nahihirapang maghanap ng susuporta sa mga hinuha mo? Ipaalam sa mga taong dapat nakaaalam ang mga bagay na makatutulong, hindi yang sa pagtalikod nami’y andami nyong ibinubulong.

SIGAW.

LUHA. Wala na. Bakit nga kaya?

KAWALAN.

ULIRAT. Siraulo pa rin ako. Yan ay dahil sa yan ang tingin mo.

Lahat ay sa kadahilanang ang  kapareha ko’y hindi mo gusto, o maaaring saki’y hindi husto…

Walang dapat ipag-alala.

Dahil walang ‘kami’ dahil sa ami’y meron lamang ‘ikaw at ako’

Tanggap naming magkaiba kaming tao, na hindi maaaring ikabit sa isa ang isa. Ang ako ay ako at ang siya ay siya.

Prinsipyo. Ideolohiya. siguro’y dun kami nagkasundo.

Wag mo nang ipilit sa pag-unawa mo, baka hindi mo naman maarok.

REPLEKSYON. May katabi na ko. Ang taong sumira ng mga araw ko. Ang taong pinagdududahan mo. ANG TAONG DAHILAN NG PATULOY NA PAGNGITI SA ARAW ARAW NG ISANG SIRA ULONG TULAD KO.

Ginahambal ng office mate ku na nadala lang daw ko sa angga...

haha.

parang hinde naman!

hayy.. sana maging maganda ang weekend..

ü

I should've watched the Smart PBA Philippine Championship last Sunday at the dome...

but I've sacrificed that day to give way to our preparations for the COC International Food Festival...

Someone even offered to buy me front seat tickets!! rar.

Anyway... I am ok now though I didn't make it for that day...

DAHIL MANULULUMO LAMANG AKO NG LUBOS KUNG NAGKATAONG NAPANOOD KO PA NG LIVE ANG PAGTALO NG REALTORS SA GIANTS ko sa puntos na 100-88!

Hayy...

Deadma. Minsan lang naman sila manalo,

pagbigyan. (bitter?!)

I was very anxious about the PBA Finals’ Game 6 ‘coz I knew that’ll be impossible for me to watch the entire game.

At gayon na nga ang nangyari, hanggang 3^rd quarter lang ang napanood ko sa kadahilanang kailangan ko nang pumasok ng opisina.

I didn’t know how to do away with so much anxiety not until ver texted me…

And then there was good news…

Purefoods stay alive and they’re forcing GAME 7! Waha.

  
Excited. I’m looking forward to watching it live at the dome on Sunday. ü

We tend to utterly believe onto something particularly if it came from someone special to us…

And in an event where this belief is confronted with a confession that what we knew all along wasn’t real, we are all left: WORDLESS.

I really like this story that I've been keeping a copy and haven't shared it ever...

and this is my initial attempt...

+ for those who are in love, those who just feel a lot like loved, and those who have just fallen out of love +

Read on...

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable. She thought, please, let me go home....

Suddenly he asked the waiter. "would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby?

He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown. I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.

Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, She put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

---------------------------

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee.

Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time,actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication!

I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything.. Now I'm dying, I am afraid of nothing so I'll tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life!
Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. " Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.

"Love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but to understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but to HOLD ON."

Ilang araw na rin akong stressed out sa trabaho at napakafulfilling ng pagpuslit ko ng tulog kanina. Haha.

Hmm. Konting munimuni muna.

Sarap ng trabaho pag ganito…

Ang lobby guard niyo ay si Palito alias "Rambuto".

Ang time administrator niyo ay si Cherie Gil at ang  morning greeting niya with a smile ay..."Welcome to  hell..."

Ang HR head niyo ay si Bella Flores at ang Employee  Relations Officer ay si Odette Khan at ang HR Staffing  head ay si Dexter Doria...At pag pumasok ka na walang  ID o hindi ayon sa dress code...kakaladkarin ka nila sa  buhok palabas ng opisina pagkatapos kang  pagsasampalin.

 Ang Employee Benefits head ay si Lolit Solis...cge...magreklamo ka na maliit ang sueldo  mo...cge. dare.

 Tuwing may problema ang kompanya, ang Corporate Communications head niyo na si Cristy Fermin ang  nagbibigay ng official company statement...at ang  simula nang kanyang presscon ay..."Galing ito sa isang  reliable source at itataya ko ang buhay at karangalan  ko dito...wala akong libel case na inuurungan..."

Ang official company driver niyo ay si Vandolph. Do I  have to explain?

Kapag kasama mo mag-OT si German Moreno...walang  tulugan!

Ang Legal Investigator niyo ay si Tony Falcon at ang  assistant niya ay si Wengweng...paminsan minsan ay  tumutulong si Ricky Lo at Madam Auring bilang  consultant.

 Tuwing bubuksan mo ang filing cabinet andun si Mahal  sa loob para iabot ang file na hinahanap mo.

Messenger niyo si Kuya Cesar.

Si Boy Abunda ang career counselor mo at tuwing me problema ka ang tanong niya ay..."Mag-usap tayo kaibigan...kung nasa harap ka ng salamin ano ang  sasabihin mo sa iyong sarili?"

Si Love Añover ang voice behind your automated phone system. "Mga katsokaran, eto ang nag-iisa reyna ng Kalsada...ip you chuva da number  eklavu...dependots 1...ips not...luz  valdez...charing!"

Ang Office Security niyo ay binubuo ng Tulfo  Brothers...bigla silang darating sa opisina mo at  sasabihin "Hephephep...nag-uuwi ka ng bond  paper...manggagantsong butete  ka!!!" At pag tumanggi ka...ipapanood nila sa yo ang  hidden camera shots na nagpupuslit ka ng 2 pirasong  bond paper mula sa printer...habang pinoposasan ka ng  mga pulis.

Tuwing pasko ang prize committee head ay si Bernadette Sembrano at Vicky Morales. Taon taon din ay nanalo ko ng bananacue at pedicab showcase. At nangangarap ka na  sana next time si Willie naman para me jeepney. Si Michael Fajatin ang laging nagpe-present ng annual  report niyo..."Mga Igan...nung umabot sa P50M ang ating kinita...kumita tayo ng P50M...matapos nating magtrabaho ng matindi kumita tayo ng P50M pero bago yan ay nagtrabaho muna tayo saka tayo kumita ng  P50M."

Boss mo si Big Brother...at alam niya na lampas 15  minutes ka nag-coffee break kaya kailangan mo mag-type nang gamit ang ilong mo hanggang patawarin ka niya.

This is a collection of true stories about children.

Read on...

ü

I just can’t help remembering those three days.

Three days of experiencing so much depression with the reason I am not aware of.

I was weakened and I really just wanted to cry.

I’ve waited for the tears to roll down my cheeks but there was none.

I’ve asked myself why the hell I was feeling that way.

I just didn’t know why… I might have just been worn-out… or probably, there was just something I am unconscious of that caused that depression…

It was a deep sadness, that at that time, I wasn’t able to express the feeling into words…

‘coz it was a feeling that made me feel like there was nothing…

I was *blank* and *depressed*

And I just didn’t know why that certain emotion seemed to be very odd to me when all the while, I have been very comfortable with it…

Not until I had enough time to think…

And it was just now that I’ve come to realize that the feeling explained the missing part of me.

*Been holding on to something… *

but I’ve just lost reasons of why will I keep on holding on still…

*And at last I’ve learned to let go… *

‘twas a good thing that I have people around me who let me realize what’s the meaning of each day that I’m spending…

Undemandingly, I was able to compose myself…

And then was the time that you came in…

All along you were just someone who’s been winding me up everyday…

I even can’t remember how often did I say to your face that ‘you ain’t helping…’

Letting you come in my so-called complicated life is an understatement…

*this is the time that I know I have moved on… *

Again, it was too ironic when all along I didn’t know that you were the one who’ve been helping me…

And I know you knew, that you caught me… off guard.

I might have found that missing part. ‘I might just had.’

But there’s just one thing I’m definite of… I am happy.  

Feelin’ so much pressure

My heart just throbs so fast

My breath is lost of its pattern

Everything just seems so odd…

…And maybe not.

Have I not known this before

I am of no doubt.

I maybe just being out of -- me.

‘twas something I have had before

And I couldn’t just recall

How its like to be feeling

This stir that knocks me down the core

A hasty self-disorganization

Harassed my composed self

How I wish all this could be

Just a part of some teasing delusion.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at crossroads.

Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap.

 The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.

Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief, and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead.